Small Town Thoughts

Just in Case...

2006-02-16T18:45:00.000-08:00

Just in case anyone still checks here - I have a new blog cause this one wasn't working on everyone's computer (Internet explorer sucks)
so it's now
dsperkins.blogspot.com

Long time...

2006-01-14T08:52:00.000-08:00

Whoa it's been a long time. Well for me anyways, considering I used to write more than three times a week.
What to say...I've been really sick. An infection got into one of my kidney's and had me on my back for three days. That plus the all day sickness had me really down. I couldn't do anything.Missed some work which really sucks cause we are flat broke right now. I have been on some prescription pills for the nausea which helped at first. Now they help a bit but at least it's something. They are really expensive though! $90 for a one month's supply. I hate money. I hate how you need it to live. Thank goodness my parents have helped us out. I hate owing them money though too so it's a never ending vicious cycle. When I was a teenager I always said I wanted to live in a tree. I still think that's a very good idea. I just need a nice big tree in a really warm country:)
My poor husband has been doing everything around the house plus working. He's been really great through this whole thing though. Really supportive and sometimes even going to the grocery store three times in one day. (I REALLY needed some lemonade, apples etc) Although I do remind him that it is his child I will be pushing out...
I had to miss a funeral yesterday which made me sad. My grandma's boyfriend (which sounds funny but they decided it was too much hassle to bother getting married) died last week. He was such a sweet, kind man and I feel so sad for my granny. She lost my grandpa and now Dave, in the past ten years. I cannot imagine how that must feel. My parents and brother and lots of our family went though so that was good. She had lots of support.
I'm really not enjoying being pregnant yet. So far it's been all throwing up, nausea and infections etc. But we have our first ultrasound on Monday so I think that will make me more excited. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the baby will make it seem more real too.
I am still going to look for a job (thanks for the tip Karina) but need to wait just a bit longer until the nausea stops. Hopefully something will come up in a couple of weeks.
That's all. No deep thoughts. My brain hardly functions anymore.

Another Year

2006-01-03T10:50:00.000-08:00

2006 already. I can hardly believe it. Last year was an interesting one and this next one is gonna be crazy. Full of new and exciting things.
We went to Jen and Jeff's wedding on New Years Eve. It was beautiful. Jen looked amazing. They had a snowflake theme and everything was really pretty. We went to the reception but only stayed until 9ish. There was a dance but I didn't really feel much like dancing. (I am still feeling nauseous pretty much all day long). So we went to Martensville, got a movie and I was in bed pretty much right after midnight.
Now life is back to normal. No more Christmas things to look forward to. I was up at 6:30 this morning throwing up and did not want to come to work today. Thank goodness I have short shifts and don't have a very stressful job. I went to tell my boss today but she already knew. (LOVE small towns.)It's good though - I think they'll be pretty supportive no matter how long of a mat leave I take etc. I am really going to need another job soon though to make some extra money before the baby comes. So if anyone knows of a job - let me know.

Some girls were laughing hysterically today in the library and this is what they were watching:
http://www.addictinggames.com/bonelessgirl.html
it's pretty funny and pointless.
Anyway hope you all had a great New Years. And all the best this next year.

Little Alien

2005-12-27T09:50:00.000-08:00

Babies look like aliens when the first start out. I got in a really neat book that has all these pictures of what babies look like from conception. It's cool to see what it looks like right now and to show Laney how big it is. Every time she sees me she asks how big the baby is and if it is making me sick etc. So apparently it's the size of a raspberry now. Feels like it should be bigger with all the crap it's making me go through though. I know it's all worth it in the end but somedays I feel so gross I can barely function.
We had a nice Christmas with family. Watched the girls open all of their many presents and ate good food. We got a cute little onesie from Dane, teddy bear from Wendy and Mitch and a cute little aquarium for the crib for the baby.
Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and that you have a Great New Years! We are going to Jen and Jeff's wedding on New Years so that will be fun.

You're gonna get sick of these...

2005-12-27T09:49:00.000-08:00

The path of Peace

2005-12-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

"Because of the tender mercy of our God,
by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven
to shine on those living in darkness
and in the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the path of peace."
Zechariah's song, Luke 1:78,79
I love these verses. This is what Christmas is about. Our Messiah coming to save us.

All Day sickness

2005-12-21T19:38:00.000-08:00

I cannot remember what it feels like to be normal. I have pretty much been sick constantly for what seems like forever but probably only about a week. I am constantly nauseous but can't throw up. My stomach churns and cramps all the time. And to top it off, people are telling me that they experienced this their whole pregnancy. If I feel like this for the next 7 1/2 months I don't know what I'll do. I can't take anything cause it could hurt the baby. I never sleep a whole night through and feel like crap when I get up. It gets a bit better in the evenings, usually after 8pm or so. But it never really truly goes away. To top it off I am really emotional (I could cry over sad commercials - how lame is that?) and I have a bladder infection:) I've read so much on morning sickness (wrongly named by the way) and have tried almost everything. Tried freezies today and they worked for a short time. Lemon water helps and eating toast and crackers constantly, keeps me from feeling like I'm gonna hurl all over. But I know I'm really gonna hate soda crackers real soon. I apologize that this blog will from now on be Dana's Pregnancy Blog. Sorry - no more random rambles about nothing. All about this baby.

We just found out that good friends of ours are pregnant too and due 11 days before us. Jess and Justin are the reason Zach and I met. I went to school with Jess and Justin in Scotland and then met Zach at their wedding in Nova Scotia. He was Justin's roomate and the photographer at the wedding. So we are really excited that we will be experiencing all of this together.

Tanis is due July 5th and not having any symptoms. So not fair! She's great though and feels lots of sympathy for me. I'm so glad that our kids will be the same age. It's gonna be fun.

Anyway if you even made it this far - congrats. Now you know what it feels like to me my husband and listen to my complaints go on and on and on.

We are hanging around here for Christmas. Should be fun.
Hope you all have a Great Christmas and all the best in the New Year!
Remember the real reason of the season:) God Bless!

Our baby

2005-12-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

surprise!

2005-12-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't got the hints that I've left... We are having a baby.
Yep, I'm pregnant. My due date is August 15. Feeling okay so far. Now I realize that some of my mood swings have been caused by the baby and not by my depression. We're really happy and excited, even though we were surprised. I went to the doctor yesterday and everything's all good so far!

amazing

2005-12-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

Check out this website. There is an amazing picture on it.
http://www.wprc.org/trimester1.phtml

Cheese Wiz has personality

2005-12-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

She's come undone...

2005-12-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

I've debated about writing about my last couple of days but then thought if anyone reads this and gets something out of it it's worth it. ( This post is not meant to be a whine)
I had a complete and udder breakdown on Friday. Was not feeling so hot when I woke up and it just got worse as the day went by. I was talking to Dane on the phone and totally lost it. I was sobbing on the phone and being the good friend that she is - she just listened to me. I don't know what happened - I kinda freaked at everything that's been going on. I felt like my world was falling apart. We talked for awhile - I felt so bad for doing that to her at work - but she's great.
Then a little while after we got off the phone Lorna came to my door. Dane had sent her to give me a hug along with a gift (Thanks Dane!). She just held me and I cried like a baby again. Then I settled down and Lorna gave me a verse to look up and then had to go to work.
Ten minutes later my grandma showed up at the door. I don't think she's seen me cry since my grandpa died so it was a teeny bit awkward but she gave me a hug and we talked for a bit. I called Zach and made him come home and he let me cry on him. I felt completely exhausted after that. We had his staff party that night and I wasn't sure if I would go.
Later on I calmed down and we went to the party and had a good time. We had plans for the whole weekend but decided to just relax at home cause I think I needed a little break from everything.
When you have depression you have good days, okay days and bad days. This was probably one of the worst days that I have had in a long time. I felt alone and desolate. It feels like the depression has taken over your life and that you will never have it back again. I honestly felt like I could never be happy again. These are the lies that I was listening to. The verses that Lorna gave me are Ezekiel 37:1-11 and talk about the dry bones in the valley. I felt like the dry bones - totally dead and useless but God can and has restored me and I can feel brand new in him again.
I know lots of people deal with depression - don't give up hope. You are not alone and most of all God is there and understands and will surround you with his love if you ask him to.

Can, Can, Can you do the Can,Can?

2005-12-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

Last night we went to the high school production - The Phantom of the Opry. Bravo all you actors and actresses! You did an excellant job! All of my kids (does that offend? I hope not...I just remember when you were all babies - especially you with the big fat belly - you know who you are) Jessica, Ashley, Teri, Carrie, Hailey, Amy, Stephanie, Katie, Riley. Wow it was great. Zach especially liked Ryan, Lance and Regan's performances :) Funny guys. (How did Allyce feel about Katie hugging her boyfriend?)
It was fun to see. My little sister LOVED it - she kept wondering when Jessica would be on and then jumped up and down when she saw her. The only part that was lacking the teeniest little bit was the Can/Can - they didn't seem very into it. Was it supposed to be like that? It was well worth the 10 bucks plus there was lots of yummy chocolate. We had fun. Y'all must be relieved that it is over now though. Takes a lot of work when you are in drama and have classes and Christmas to worry about.

So we've had an interesting week. Zach blew two tires the other night so we were without a car for awhile and are now $200 poorer. (I think our phone and electricity will be cut off soon)and the bank doesn't like us any more cause our mortgage has been late more times than I can count. We keep wondering what else can go wrong. But maybe that's it for the month. That would be good cause we are ready to run away to another country and disapear for a couple of years.
Things are starting to get busy now. We have Zach's staff party tomorrow which will be fun and not really stressful cause there will be all of six people there. The Saturday I am doing my nanny thing. Sunday we are invited to the Sawatzky's house for lunch after church, will go do some of the 24 hour prayer thing and then will go to the David's Tent thing that Gwen has been organizing. (looks really interesting)
Then next week I'm gonna look after my former bosses children for a couple days. That will be fun - little extra cash and get me out of the house.

Christmas Time!!!

2005-12-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

21 Days until Christmas!

The cow in the library...

2005-12-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

So we have this little cow stool that magically appeared in the Library one day. It's kinda cute, is painted all nice, has a rope for a tail and has udders. Yes, pink wooden udders and all the kids that come in "milk the cow". It's quite funny to see. All the little Saskatchewan kids know what to do...
I got a Christmas present already! From the cutest little girl who comes in to the library all the time. She gave me a snowman candy dish. So cute - I was not expecting anything from my patrons. I love my job. Especially the kids.
Yesterday I went over to my parents house and baked cookies with my little sister. It was so fun. We made sugar cookies and then decorated them. Laney's were actually pretty nice - she's a good artist at five years old. Then I invited ourselves over for supper cause my dad was cooking a roast and it smelled soo good and Zach and I hadn't had meat in awhile. Then Trevor and Tiff took us to the Sundog. There were so many neat things there. Good food - bought this Indian peanut sauce that is so so addicting. And beautiful artwork. There was this African man that had amazing work. (you would have loved it Dane) If I had had an extra $300 I totally would have bought one of his pictures. They were absolutely beautiful. There were the usual wood crafts and old lady crafts too. Also some really nice hemp soap that I love. So I got a cucumber/pear bar of soap. We walked around for over two hours. Then we went over to the Butler's house and ate and watched "Stealth" but I left early to go to bed cause I knew I would not want to get up this morning. Alas I didn't get up until 9:45 but got here before 10:00. Then there was a meeting going on in the town office part and I was trying to be quiet and went to get some water and locked myself out of the library. So our good former Police Chief Nick Baker let me in through the cop shop. Tad embarrassing - but he's known me since I was a baby and it's all good.
Not much going on this weekend. Hopefully I will get to visit with Simon soon (call us if you are home and bored!) and haven't talked to Dane in quite awhile...
Oh my goodness -I haven't seen my friends in so long. I get to see Sharee occasionally at Parables, never see Wendy, would like to hang out with Jen sometime before she gets married in four weeks, haven't hung out with Lisa and Sarah and Erin since my birthday - are we getting together someday? Evan? who's that? Nathan and Rochelle, my brother and Tanis, Crystal and Jed, Amy? SarahJane's in Australia and the list goes on and on and on.I wish our house was finished and we would have another Christmas party. The shelves are almost done though and look really hot!
I think I am done writing now. Oh yeah - our family is letting me decide where our Christmas money is going and this is how I divied it up... $60 each to the Saskatoon Food Bank, Saskatoon Aids Christmas hampers and the Salvation Army hampers for kids toys. Then Zach and I are going to buy a cow or something for a family through Samaritan's Purse and let everyone know that that is their Christmas present. Woohoo - no Christmas crowds or last minute shopping for me!
Bye all - Have a good weekend!

What is your unconditioned response?

2005-11-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

I just finished writing my psychology midterm. It was multiple choice, which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes really crappy. Most of the answers seemed plausible. So I used my theory of deduction for most and then chose the letter D (for Dana) for those I wasn't sure of. Hopefully I pass. Oh well, at least it's done and now I only have one paper and one final exam left before Christmas. Yay me. Now I am hanging out at the library (cause I'm a nerd) and then will go home and watch Oprah (again - cause I'm a nerd)
Still am feeling exceptionally well these days. I prayed for healing and really feel as though I have been. Dane said to run with it and believe that it's true. Tiff said to ask God to show me if I should stop taking my pills. So I'm believing that I'm healed but am still taking pills until God shows me like 20 different ways that I can stop taking them. I really loved Caitlin's post about taking her last "little pink pill" It's encouraging to know that you don't have to be on meds for your whole life. But even if I do have to be on something - at least I can function as a human being and have a life.
So, Christmas is exactly 1 month from today. How exciting. I'm really getting into the spirit now. I've even decorated our house a bit. We got a catalogue from Samaritan's Purse and I think that is what we'll spend our Christmas money on. You can feed a baby for a month or buy a goat for a family and many other cool things. MCC is also doing the same sort of thing as well as World Vision. Our family is doing something similar and instead of our regular gift exchange we are giving the money we would have spent to the Food Bank in Saskatoon. Then we are having a white elephant gift exchange and can only spend $5. (the whoopee cushion will be an excellant gift I think)
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/
http://www.mcc.org/
http://www.worldvision.org/
Don't forget today is BUY NOTHING DAY! (adbusters)
And December 1st is World AIDS Day.
I'm not trying to be annoying and push things but these are things I really believe in and if we all cared a little bit more we could change the world.
Have a Great Weekend! (PS Uncle Steve - if you read this - you should really start a blog and then we could all see what you're up to)

Blond Baby Jesus

2005-11-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

Decorating the library with cast off Christmas decorations today. We inherited a nativity set that is in really nice shape and is nice except that the baby Jesus and Mary are blond. Somehow I doubt that those two had blond hair. They were Jewish. (I know there are Jewish people who are blond but back then I doubt it.) Oh well. I guess cause Jesus was also the son of God he could have had whatever colour hair he wanted but I still doubt it would have been blond. whatever.Just a random thought.
I have had a couple of really really good days. I've had energy and have cleaned and even done some Christmas baking. I couldn't sleep this morning so got up at 5:30 and there was nothing good on tv so I baked some cookies. How lame is that? We have lots of cookies in our freezer.
On Saturday night our neighbours/friends/Zach's bosses had us over for supper. Trevor cooked this awesome meal and Tiff was helping me with a psychology assignment and all of a sudden I got really sick and had to leave.I felt so bad, we were going to go see "Walk The Line" and they had cooked this really nice meal and I couldn't even eat anything. Went home and puked for about an hour. (I know what you're thinking - no I'm not pregnant) A couple hours later I felt fine. It was really weird. Then Tiff got it the next day so it must have been some weird flu. Then on Sunday afternoon my Grandma took my mom, Zach and I to CATS.It was neat. Way different than I had expected. I thought it would be a play but it was just a bunch of people dressed up as cats doing ballet and singing.The songs were about each different cat.There were some funny parts and the singing was great but I don't really understand how it's been going on for 25 years. The tickets were quite costly and I think they overcharged. But it was nice to get out and see a show. I love going to shows like that. I've seen Les Miserables twice and totally love that one. I'd like to see The Lion King (Dane says it's the Best) and The Phantom of the Opera. I had a chance to see Stomp in England but the tickets were too expensive. It'd be fun to take the girls to a ballet sometime. I know Laney would be so excited. Chan would probably have fun for the first hour and then would want to leave. Those two have such different personalities. They can be pretty funny to watch sometimes.
Nothing much else to say. I'm going to have a pretty boring week. I have a midterm for my psych class on Friday and then a paper due for Monday in my geology class. So I guess maybe I will study a bit.
Something to pray about: When we had our flood, Zach's bass amp was wrecked. So he was looking for one and found the one he wanted on some band's website. He got in contact with the dude selling it and they arranged for Zach to send the money (money order through Canada Post) and then the guy was "Supposed" to send the amp. It never came. This is 10 months later now. They've emailed each other and Zach asked for his money back and the guy said that he mailed it. We still haven't recieved it. We are out a lot of money and could really use it right now. I'm so mad at that guy I just want to call him and ream him out and harrass him. Could you pray that the guy will feel bad and actually send the money back? We would really really appreciate it.
Hope you all are doing well. Take Care.

Night Out

2005-11-17T14:42:00.000-08:00

Last night Zach and I went to The Bassment to see my friends Cam and Matt play a show with their band Bella. It was so fun. Got to see tons of people that I hadn't seen for quite awhile and met the two girls from the band - who are incredibly nice. They did such a good job. I was really impressed. We have their CD and know that they are talented but the way they performed you could tell that they had practiced tons and put on a really great show. They joked and chatted a bit and then played songs from their CD along with some new ones which are wonderful. I really hope that they continue to be successful. Also got to see Carbon Dating Service which includes some friends of my brother's and one song in particular was totally all about life in Dalmeny. Some of the lyrics were about playing D&D, which is what my brother wasted almost his entire teenage years playing with his friends in Steve Reeds basment. He also sang about blowing up someone's van at his friends acreage (which was our acreage)
We had a good time and stayed out later than I have in a long long time. It was nice to hang out and listen to good music and forget about everything else.
I'm at work right now but the library isn't open yet so I'm not being a bad librarian. I almost got someone else to come and work for me though. Just did not feel like being here today. Then I walked downtown and got the mail etc. It is a beautiful day out there! Sunny and warm. These are the kinds of days that I like. If all of winter was like this then I could handle it.
No other thoughts today. My brain is barely functioning. I will post some pics of the show soon. I got some good ones.
Good Day to you!

whoopee

2005-11-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Delaney's (my little sister) 5th birthday. So we had a family supper at my mom and dad's. We all got her cute little girly things like a purse with kittens on it and a Barbie and pink clothes etc. Then she opened her present from my aunt and uncle. They got her a bunch of little toys like whistles and a glow in the dark bracelet and necklace and a whoopee cushion. Well that whoopee cushion was the best present EVER! We had so much fun with it! Laney and Channing started sitting on it and making farting noises and my whole family (Zach,mom,dad,David,Tanis,Grandma,
John,Linda and I)were laughing so hard we almost peed our pants. I seriously felt like the biggest hick. Here's my entire family laughing at farty noises for like half an hour. My mom had tears coming down her face. She decided that she's gonna get us all one for Christmas. The girls were having so much fun and laughing so much... Then it broke. It was the saddest part of the evening. Oh well all fun must end sometime. I'm kinda rethinking my buy nothing Christmas idea. Maybe I'll get everyone I know a whoopee cushion. It'd make the world a funnier place!

I'm a nerd

2005-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

I've realized that I am such a nerd. I write on my blog all the time and then I check others and realize that everyone else has lives and only writes once a week or so. Oh well. I know I keep Dana B entertained.
Thought I'd put a picture from our wedding on. Janelle wanted to know what Zach looks like. It's two years old and we both look a little different.(just a little more of us now). I am not good at using computers but will try and put some more pics on someday. For those who haven't heard - Come see Bella at the Bassment on Wednesday night. It's gonna be fun.

2005-11-12T10:24:00.000-08:00

Wedding pic

Ah Christmas...

2005-11-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

Our house is finally getting finished - kinda. Zach has started staining the bookshelves that he built in our living room. Looks a bit strange right now but will be absolutely fabulous when he's done.
I decided to just focus on two classes right now and to leave one that I was so far behind in that I would have failed it anyway. So that cuts down some pressure. I was getting really stressed and anxious about everything that I was shutting down. Literally just feeling like sleeping all day long. Too much to do so why bother starting anything. Wrong way to do it but that's how overwhelming it gets. Hopefully after Christmas life won't seem so stressful to me. I have upped my meds so that should be making a difference as well. Zach and I have also decided that we aren't going to get all commercialized about Christmas this year. We don't have money to spend so why should we go into debt over presents that no one will notice if they're not there anyway? We are still going to get things for Channing, Delaney and Jackson. Then I think we'll just give cards to people. I'd like to give a donation to some charity instead of buying into the whole "it's Christmas - you need to buy stuff" mentality. It's so stressful shopping anyway, the crowds etc. much easier to just not do it. On the buy nothing Christmas site there is a great poster that has a picture of Jesus and says "where did I say that you should buy so much to celebrate my birthday?". So true. Christmas is about Jesus and we really need to remember that.
Almost done work for the night. Was a rather uneventful evening. Will go home and watch some mindless tv and then sleep, probably until early afternoon tomorrow. Such is the life of student who doesn't do her work. Good nite all.

Good sites

2005-11-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

Check out www.adbusters.org and read about "Buy Nothing Day"
Also take a look at www.buynothingchristmas.org which is an initiative started by Mennonites in Canada. There are some good ideas for Christmas alternatives. Also check out www.tenthousandvillages.ca if you want to buy gifts, cause they're all fair trade.

Calling all depressed...

2005-11-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

We had our second depression/bi-polar disorder support group last night. It was me and another woman. Was still good but would be nice if some more people came. I KNOW that there are more than three people with depression in our town. It's sad but there's still such a stigma out there. People are ashamed of having a chemical imbalance. It's a disease - not something you decide on your own... "Oh I feel like withdrawing from the world, feeling empty and tired and lonely and sleeping all the time and to top that off feeling guilty about all that." Like I've said a thousand times, if you have a disease like cancer, people want to hear all about it and help you out but when it comes to something that has to do with mental health they get scared and act like it's not happening. There have been times when I've felt like there is no one that will listen to me or understand what I'm going through. I remember when I first told someone that I needed to go on medication and they were like, "you're not depressed are you? everyone gets depressed, why do you need to go on pills?" Doesn't exactly make you feel good about yourself.
Especially when your own family never talks about it. That's why I wanted to start this group and get it out in the open. OOOH the librarian has depression! I want people to know - I'm not going to be ashamed and silenced about this. 75% of the entire population will deal with it at some time.
Okay settle down. whew. that was a tirade. feel free to make comments on this topic if you have thoughts. Anyhow, I actually cooked supper tonight for the first time in a long time. My poor husband, he works all day and then gets to come home to me in sweats, no makeup, sometimes sleeping, and usually no supper. But I had some energy and instead of doing homework, I cooked sesame chicken with asparagus and spinach fettucine. Zach ate lots so I assume he liked it.
On to another topic - I was asked a long time ago to help out with the senior high youth girls Bible study. I really really want to cause all those girls are amazing and so much fun to be around but I just can't commit. I feel like what kind of example would I be? I'm working part time, kinda taking classes but really sit at home most of the time feeling sorry for myself. They need a strong Godly woman who can be there for them and as much as I love them all - I really feel like I might bring them down. Maybe after Christmas when things settle down a bit I'll feel up to it but for now I think they're better off without me. I love the Lord but my spiritual life is lacking and somedays I feel like staying in bed all day and not moving. what kind of example is that?
My mother-in-law and I were talking the other night (hi Loretta) and she was telling me about something they were talking about in church. They were talking about the light and the dark. That got me thinking about how we really don't know what darkness is, we have streetlights and other lights that always give a bit of light when it's dark out. But the real dark is scary and you cannot see anything ahead of you. The real dark is life without God. It's Satan trying to cover out eyes and trick us and show us things that aren't real. God is our light in the dark and helps us see what we need to. I guess he's our flashlight. He's the lamp unto our feet and we will only stumble without him. Even when I have my darkest days and aren't sure if I want to keep going I hold on to that. God loves me and I'm his child and he wants to be my guide.

Babies R Everywhere!

2005-11-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

Okay so now wherever I look there are babies. The other night on tv - all the shows were about babies. I also just found out that my good friends from my dts just had a baby girl today (well technically my yesterday because they live in Scotland) On Dane's birthday - how cute. Congrats Ester and Olu! Working at the Library I kind of get to know families and found out that another baby girl was born this past week. So it's official - they are everywhere. There's no escape. This is going to be hard not to want one soon.
I am so excited for my brother and Tanis - I just want the baby to be here so I can spoil it. I've already started thinking about what to buy...
I'm really bad when it comes to buying things for my niece or nephew or little sister. I would much rather buy them something cute than myself. Our nephew Jackson turned 1 in September and we got him the cutest little punk t-shirt.(check out infantile.com) And I have already started Christmas shopping for Chaney and Laney. (So that's where all our money goes... :) )
I've been feeling tons better lately. It wasn't strep, just some virus that won't go away. At least I have some energy now. I kinda started my paper last night so I just need to keep working and not feel overwhelmed. There's just so much to do! I have two tests to study for, two assignments and a major paper before December. I am really starting to question whether I really need my degree or not.
Plus our house is driving me crazy. It has been in a state of chaos since last January when we had a flood. Somedays I just want to leave and not go back. I am normally a neat person. (well if not neat than at least organized) but I am at a loss with our house. It's never clean! Three cats, renovations, a husband and my depression/laziness make for a complete mess. I refer to it as the Crap-Hole.
Anyway enough complaining. Deep Breath. Life is good. I am blessed. People love me. I'm fine.

boy or girl?

2005-11-04T20:57:00.000-08:00

My sister in law Tanis called me yesterday morning and was like, "guess what?" and I'm thinking that my niece lost a tooth or something but no, it's a little bigger than that. Tanis is pregnant! Another baby in our family - it's going to be so fun. Everyone is happy. It does make me the teeniest bit jealous though. I know we're not ready for a baby yet but it would be so fun! And lots of work - I know that too. But I love kids and I know that Zach will be a really great dad and I can't wait to see that! All in God's timing though. There are still so many things that we want to do before we have a family but I can't help but want to get pregnant and have a tiny little person to dress and watch and love and see grow up. Oh well. This will pass. Another couple of years and hopefully we'll have one too. Hopefully we'll have one the same time that David and Tanis have their second baby together. I always wanted to be pregnant at the same time as her so that our kids would have cousins the same age. Channing will now have two little siblings! She has a baby sister that she sees a couple times a month but this one will be there all the time. That will be interesting. She's a great little kid but going from being an only child for like 6 years to having a little brother or sister will be hard for her I'm sure. I guess Channing told Laney over the phone and she got really excited! Another niece or nephew for her. That's hilarious that she'll be five years old and an auntie of two.
Feeling a bit better now. I've slept so much the past couple days you'd think I wouldn't be able to sleep at night anymore. But I can sleep pretty much anytime. Still have to finish my paper though. Maybe should work on that...

Sick as a Dog

2005-11-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

I think I have strep throat. I've had a sore throat for about two weeks now and was in denial. I thought it would just go away on its own. My brother and I are prone to getting strep and usually get it a couple times a year. I was hoping it would wait awhile to get me though. Oh well, guess I can be whiny for a little while. (and annoy my husband)
My friend from England read this blog (hi Wendy) and told me she laughed when she was reading about Zach and I scrounging around for change to buy MacDonalds. Her husband (who's name is also Zach) and her have been in kind of a similar situation. It's good to hear that we're not the only ones. We just all have to realize that God will provide. This is a hard concept to grasp though when you're constantly bombarded with commercials and shows that tell you, you should be saving hundreds of dollars per month. I was whining about this to my friend Tiff the other day because we have absolutely no savings and Oprah said that most people are two paychecks away from being broke. I am a planner and I like to know that everything is under control. So would like to know that if something happened we would have some money to cover things. But we don't. So Tiff said that (not a direct quote) As Christians we need to rely on God and know that he will provide - not our jobs or bank accounts or whatever. Yeah savings are good if you have them but if not, don't be discouraged because God will take care of us. Then that verse about how God looks after the sparrows popped into my head and if he takes care of the little birds he will take care of us. Anyway, another random thought brought to you by myself.
I got my midterm mark back from that test that I wrote last week. Ha Ha. What a joke. I sure hope I pass the classes I'm taking this semester cause that would really suck if I failed. What a waste of money that would be. I have another paper that was due last week for my Sociology of Religion class and haven't started. (The class is not as interesting as it sounds!) I have absolutely no brain capacity to read a boring textbook and then write a paper on how cults and sects are started and compare and contrast Canada's and the States. I have to read the same paragraph over and over again. Then I get tired and just want to sleep. I know that this is because a) I am lazy and b) a sympton of my depression. So I continue to avoid doing it. Tiff keeps telling me to get my butt in gear and just do it and go over there and do it because there would be less distractions but again...I am lazy.
Zach's band played last night at a battle of the bands at a Pumpkin Smash (youth alternative Halloween event) they did pretty well. Got third place. They've only been together for like a month so they did really well. It was fun. I got to see all of my youth girls that I used to do a Bible study with and chat with them. Some of my friends got there later on so it was nice to see them and chat. Okay that's all for now I guess. I Love that people actually read this! How hilarious! My rambles are so uninteresting. Take Care out there!

Calling God

2005-10-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

My best friend and I went to Jann Arden last night. It was so fun. She should really put on a stand-up comedy show because she's hilarious. Dane and I had a really nice relaxing evening. She made me a nice supper and then we went to school for a poster sale and then to the concert.
Jann Arden sang a song called Calling God and it's such a good song - probably my favorite right now. Really - if we just called on God when things were going rough and even when things were good, life would be so much easier. We or at least I like to be stubborn and deal with things on my own instead of asking for help. That's pretty stupid when there's someone who will help me through everything if I only ask.
This was the third or fourth time Dane and I have gone to Jann Arden together. We were reminiscing about how we went to a Steven Curtis Chapman and Carolyn Arends concert when we were like 13 with one of our youth leaders. Dane and I have been friends for over ten years now. It's hard to believe. We've gone through pretty much everything important together and she is one person on this earth who understands me pretty much more than I do myself. (along with my husband and parents and a couple other really close friends) She is one of those friends who listens and analyzes everything I say. She reads into things that I haven't given a second thought to. Her insights always amaze me. She's one smart girl beautiful girl! ( a real catch for any single guys out there) When I first started high school I was calling God for a friend and he sent me Dana. Amazing how he knows what we need better than we do. Thanks for all my friends Lord - I probably wouldn't be here without them.

School Sucks

2005-10-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Wrote my Geology midterm last night. It was mulitple choice so I guess I have a chance of getting a good mark cause I pretty much guessed every answer. The prof hadn't made enough copies so after handing out 200 he had to take them all back in and go and photocopy some more. So that meant that 200 people had already seen the questions and now had half an hour to look up the answers. Unfortunately I wasn't one of those people. He finally got back there at 7:30 and we got started. I finished at 8 and left. He was still doing a lecture but wasn't starting until 8:40 so I called Zach and made him leave band practice early to come get me. I hate school. I wish I could just be done. But it'd be stupid to quit now so I might as well finish even though it will probably take me another two years.
I also have a nasty cold right now and am feeling like crap so that could be contributing to my negative attitude.
We had our first Depression/Bi-polar disorder support group the other night. It went so well. It's just nice to be able to talk to people who really understand the things you're going through. There weren't that many of us but hopefully that will pick up and if not - meh. It's all good.
I got another student loan today so now we can grocery shopping! I have to wait for Zach to get off work though cause he wants to come too:) Being poor has it's good points. It's made me more aware of what I was spending my money on and will definitely be more careful from now on. Last night Zach and I each got a McDonald's hamburger for 1.29 each with the last of our change. We NEVER eat at McDonalds but were both hungry after he picked me up from school and so with our last $3.00 we got supper. It was kinda funny scrounging around for change in the car. We now just have pennies in the change holder. But really - my parents have told me stories from when they were in school and could only afford macaroni for almost every meal. It's the student life. It will end someday. Plus we can always go to my parents or grandma's for supper and get a good meal with meat or something. Like the saying goes if it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger. So this should be really good for our marriage too. We are still getting along pretty well. Well except for on our aniversary, of all nights. We were all excited to go out. I had spent a long time getting ready and was all dressed up and Zach put on a suit jacket. We were going to go to Designing Spaces in Saskatoon and see all of the cool new design ideas for houses. We needed cash to get in so we went to the bank to get like $20 out and there was $0.00 in our account. So back home we went and ate hot dogs with no buns for supper and didn't really talk for about an hour. We weren't really mad at each other but at our situation, but like the good married couple we are - we took it out on each other. Then about an hour later my mother-in-law called to say Happy Anniversary and that they had put $50 in Zach's account. So it was a good night after all. We rented Kingdom of Heaven which is a very good movie I have to say.
I keep realizing how I'm cutting God short and not depending on him for every little thing. My hard head needs a good smack about every other day or two to remind me how blessed I am and that we are not alone or abandoned. God is always working through my friends and family to remind me of that. Like the time last month when my dear friend left bags of groceries in our kitchen for us while we were gone. That was so wonderful because I wanted to give another friend a bit of support for going to YWAM and was able to because we didn't need to buy groceries. So the cycle continued. So cool.
I'm really getting addicted to this blogging thing. In all the books I read about depression and stuff they say you should journal and I am horrible at it. Although my friend gave me a really cool one where you just kinda fill in the blanks so works well. This is nice though.

The Privileged Life

2005-10-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Even when we think we don't have much, we need to take a step back and realize how blessed we are. I just received an email from the missionaries that I worked with in Izmir, Turkey. They have been experiencing earthquakes and people are afraid to stay in their homes. One man who they've known for awhile is being threatened by the military because he is a Christian. He has already spent time in prison but has been told that they are reopening the case. Another young couple who have only been married for 9 months just found out that she has cancer in her uterus and needs surgery. The Svenningson's (the Missionary couple) are going to have to sell some of their belongings to help pay for her surgery. Then I think of all the other crap going on in the world- hurricanes, poverty, famine and so much more. I am a truly selfish person. I've been feeling sorry for myself lately because we are just barely paying our bills. But Zach and I are so so blessed. We have a warm house, a nice bed to sleep in, hot water, and there is always something to eat even if it's not gourmet. And God forbid we ever lost our house we have loving family that would take us in and we would always be looked after. God always provides. I need to be thankful even if things aren't going the way I planned. It's God's plan.

Never thought I'd blog

2005-10-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

So, Just finished reading Matt and Cam's blogs and thought what the heck? might as well be like everybody else. Not really sure what I'll talk about but figured small town thoughts was a good title cause here I am living back in Dalmeny where I never thought I'd end up. And a Librarian nontheless. My dad calls me Old Lady Perkins. It's a good job though. Has its perks. Haha and I'm a perkins. wow I'm lame. I am starting up a Depression/Bi-Polar Support group with my neighbour so that will be something interesting. It will be weird but YES I've had depression for a good five or six years now and figure something good should come out of it. anyway I'm at work and should maybe do that now. Peace